I read the obituaries every day (yes, I'm weird) and I usually read the long ones just to see how 'important' that person was in life.
Yesterday, I read about a woman who did a study about the effects of divorce on children. This was the blurb in the article, "After studying the effects of divorce, Wallerstein came to the conclusion: If parents could swallow their misery, they should stay together for their kids".
This from a woman who had been married (I'm assuming happily) for 65 years.
So, couples are supposed to be miserable 'for the sake of the children'? I'm sorry, but that's just stupid.
Granted, I was a young adult when my parents divorced (and I understood why) but kids aren't stupid. They can probably tell when mom and dad aren't getting along.
In my parents' case, there wasn't a lot of yelling but there was a BIG silence. We felt like we had to walk on eggshells all the time. How can that be better than parents going their separate ways?
Some might argue that children of divorce end up not believing in marriage. But let's use a brother's kids as an example - one married her high school sweetheart and the other one is engaged. So much for that argument.
If parents were honest, saying something like, "Your dad and I aren't getting along anymore. We both love you VERY much but we have to live apart from now on," I think kids could handle it. Honesty goes a long way.
That's what this woman didn't seem to understand. She's basically saying that parents should lie to their kids.
Sure, marriage is the ideal...IF you're happily married.
What do you think?
I agree with you! I think being in a lousy marriage sends kids the wrong message. As awful as divorce can be, sometimes it's the best thing two people can do FOR THEIR KIDS, as well as themselves.
ReplyDeleteStaying together for the kids is the dummest thing!!!!
ReplyDeleteStaying together "for the kids sake" is not right. First off, there is always tension in the house. Not a good environment. Secondly, if the parents aren't happy, let's face it, the kids won't be happy. Thirdly, sometimes there's no stopping a divorce - like when one partner LEAVES - for instance. My first husband left me when my son was 2 and I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter. Yeah, he was a real nice guy. Snort. So. I met another man when my daughter was 9 months old, we dated, got married, AND he adopted both the kids. My ex-husband dropped out of the picture real fast. Actually, he dropped out of the picture before the kids were adopted. My whole point of this is, staying married for the kids sake is just plain stupid. The end!
ReplyDeleteWell, file that one under STOOOOOOOOOPID.
ReplyDeleteNo child deserves to live in an environment where their parents hate each other. You know that saying, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy? That's so very true. If the parents aren't happy, the children won't be either.
I caught Wednesday's dad cheating when she was six months old. We tried to stay together and make it work, but it was hell for everyone because it was not working out. Wednesday wasn't stupid. Even as young as she was, she knew things were wrong. Any time that man came anywhere near me (even if he innocently sat down on the same couch as me to watch tv) little Wednesday, would FREAK OUT and cry her face off in a panic. She didn't do that when anyone else was near me, just him. She knew. And I was relieved and glad when he left us because I didn't want her growing up thinking that that is how men are and that is what relationships should be like.
She and I were MUCH happier and better off without him. Being raised by a single mom is far less stressful than being raised in a bad marriage. That I know for sure.
I'm so glad ONE woman I know got a divorce and out of an unhappy marriage, and I can absolutely guarantee that the child of that divorce is doing better than if her mom stayed.
ReplyDeleteEveryone here is on the same page and I'm on that page as well. It can't be good and the tension is always palpable.
ReplyDeleteDivorce is a sad reality. Two people can fix their marriage if they want to but it may be incredibly painful and take quite a while. It takes two though...totally committed to resurrecting their marriage, as committed to fixing it as they were to starting it in the first place. Usually, it's too hard for either one or both of the people involved and if so there's really not point flogging a dead horse, is there?
ReplyDelete